I think...

...I should be quiet now...

...listen more... talk less....

Empty

Was browsing Yi Hua's blog and stumbled upon a part about Dolores yodelling to Empty... Well, I guess once upon a time that song was my favourite. The way she repeats 'empty', making sure that after each one, I felt so empty after the whole song...

Well, I feel empty now...

...

I wasted my time typing only to find myself deleting it.

I'm just not myself.

Music, MuSiC, mUsIc

Anyway you see it, music is music.

Had sectionals today between the tuba and the eupho section. It was kinda funny as there was only 3 eupho players but 6 tuba players which is so unbalanced.

However we had a tutor, who was a tubist, that took the sectionals today. At first it was very hard for me to get the pitching, trying to recall the musical terms, analyzing the flats and sharps when playing scales. During the 2 year break, all my music knowledge seemed to disappear. But the tutor managed to go through breathing techniques, really good ones, that I can even apply during stress periods.

Played a freakingly tough march, which happens to be in cut time, making it worse. My pitching gone, my fingering gone, my dynamics all gone. Haha... but I'm still undecided. I'll see how the practise goes tomorrow.

We ended quite late today as the tutor was talking about some tuba thing which left us euphoniumist clueless.

Contemplating...to join or not to join?

Campus Beauty

Social interactions are so draining to me...

Large gatherings are just not my forte...

I need to recharge myself...

I'm such a typical introvert...

Dans les champs de l'observation, le hasard ne favorise que les esprits prepares -

Louis Pasteur

It says so in the book...

Currently I'm reading a book on introverts. Yup, I'm reading about myself. It's very interesting in a sense that most people are introverts and they don't know it. Well, not to mention that there's an introvert for every 3 that are extroverts. So yeah, we're a rare breed.

I found myself nodding nearly on every information as I realised that I always behave in the ways of introverts. Don't get me wrong, being an introverts is not bad nor is it good but let's just say that we're living in a world where extroverts are championed and being an introvert kinda hinders the progress thing.

Well, as I found myself deeply rooted to the book, I found invaluable unexpected facts about how being either an intro- or extro-vert is a physiology thing; it's not something that can be changed. Work with it, not against it.

It has always amazed me, amongst other things, that I'm inclined towards psychology and all that emotional stuff. Human behaviours are really puzzling at times. But with knowledge, knowing that it's more than just physical appearance but also chemical changes, I feel confident in tackling people.

Well, maybe I've talked enough about this. But the key to understanding others is to understand yourself first. Knowing your weaknesses and building up your strengths are mandatory in this fast-paced society. Take a stroll once in a while, grab a book and spend hours reading on it, contemplate on pleasant memories or just go for a swim, do whatever it takes to find your resting energy level to recuperate and recharge.

If nature intended us to talk more than listen,

she would have given us two mouths and one ear. - Anonymous

Anything but...

Remove me from myself.

Expose my bare self,
devoid of necessities.
Vulnerable but not defeated,
will you be my iron curtain?

How can I continue to believe,
when the smile I see is anything but genuine.

I'm away from myself,
do you expect someone you know?

My path is darkened by the shadows,
of the people around me.
Loathe me,
to know me.

SFF 06: Team France

Today we came prepared with snacks and drinks but we weren't prepared for the monser crowd that greeted us. In the end we had to squeeze past crowds only to find that our view were blocked by trees.

Had to to say that today's display beat the rest flat. With celtics songs to complement the fantastic explosions, the French team masacred the others with their perfectly choreographed fireworks.

It ended with a splendid golden fireworks that rained the whole sky with sparkles. So for a person, like me, who went to witness all 4 shows, I'll rate it for the benefit of others.

4th: Team Italy
Though the view was great, it lacks the ooohh and aahhh's generated by the other teams.

3rd: Team Caledonia
Colourful display worked well with the upbeat music. Unique fireworks that burst instantly instead of the bursting in the sky. Bright ending too.

2nd: Team Singapore
With National Songs accompanying the fireworks, it really made me felt patriotic. Ambitious ending that covered more than the eye can see (kinda messy though). I especially enjoyed the sperm-like fireworks.

1st: Team France
A spectacle to behold, the French gave a grandous ending of a golden rainfall. With celtic music that supports the 'Celebration of Life' theme, it is the perfect ending of another year of SFF.

SFF 06: Team Caledonia

The lamp post kinda spoiled the pics.

http://www.eyezmaze.com

Cool games, though challenging.
Easy to pick up, hard to master.

Enjoy!

B

Sometimes when I'm facing the 'create new post' page, well not sometimes but all the times, I find myself staring blankly into the page, not knowing what to type. It's a frustrating thing especially when just an hour before I know exactly the right words to lay down.

At the same time, day in and day out I realise that I was clueless when beginning because 'written thoughts' sounds different when said and when written. Some may call it writer's block but I refuse to believe so.

Finding the right words to convey a certain message is as hard as writing a convincing ghost story. Well, maybe I've digressed too much.

Maybe what I'm trying to say is that my 'written thoughts' and my 'said thoughts' are totally different. If people generalise a blog as a reflection of one's self, than I must say that mine's an alternate self, or rather the outer self.

At times I blogged to write to an audience and at times I write to myself, comforting myself at the same time. I know it sounds kind of weird but I feel much better when things are written down, when I look at it I realise that it isn't that bad.

Looking at the current situation, this blog is the only thread that some people are holding onto. This is the channel to tune in to find out the happenings in my life; where I've been last weekend, my plans, my comments on movies and all that.

Well, maybe it's my boring personality that contributes to the lameness of this entry. And I should mention that this entry wrote itself. I came in not knowing what to write but at the end of it, I have quite a number of paragraphs.

And just for the people who reads to find the 'real' me, my life is officially in the dumps. While others are excited about starting school and all, I'm stuck feeling an all time low at home. Adulthood came knocking at the wrong time and I answered expecting a long lost friend.

For the people who hadn't reached adulthood, know that life's a bitch with a capital B. And you can take that to the bank with you.

SFF 2006: Team Singapore

Team Singapore put up a wonderful display of fireworks accompanied by National Songs. Though there was similar effects created during the finale of both the days, there were quite a bit of difference in terms of the types of fireworks used.

For Team Italy, they used the swirly things but for Team Singapore they had the suspended strings that oozes sparks and all that. It was refreshing, definitely not what I had seen previously. There were others that I can't recall however.

Not to mention thate the crowd was much worse. But once again, it was worth the trip; gazing into the night sky that lit up with fireworks. Had to say that the finale was grand, with fireworks covering the whole skyline, with the sperm-like fireworks too. That was a bit hilarious.

All in all, Team Singapore did a wonderful job. Now only 2 teams remain before SFF 2006 wraps up.

Somehow the fireworks managed to set me in the mood for National Day. While I'm at it, Happy 41st National Day.

Desperate Housewives: Remember

"This is the street where I used to live and these were the people with whom I shared my life. I met them the day they moved in. And I saw what they brought with them. Beautiful dreams for the future. And quiet hopes for a better life. Not just for themselves, but for their children, too. If I could, would I tell them what lies ahead? Would I warn them of the sorrow and betrayal that lie in store? No. From where I stand now, I see enough of the road to understand how it must be traveled. The trick is to keep moving forward, to let go of the fear and the regret that slow us down and keep us from enjoying a journey that will be over too soon. Yes, there will be unexpected bends in the road, shocking surprises we didn't see coming, but that's really the point. Don't you think?"

Today marks the season finale of the second season of desperate housewives. Somehow it wasn't as cleverly written as the previous season. But still, the ending left question marks on each character. Just what will season 3 bring?

I woke up today with the same thought as yesterday. Tell me it isn't real. Tell me it isn't happening to me.

But just like yesterday, I realised that is is real, it is happening to me.

It's as real as the tears that fell.

Let me demonstrate... (revisited)

Maybe it was the closeness that made it awkward for them to understand the problem... or maybe it was the rate of distancing that made me not want to tell them.
But somehow I was still drowning myself. Even chatting with Su didn't manage to cheer me up.

On a lighter note, the opening of the SFF 2006 by team Italy was simply splendid. All the booms and bangs made the crowd go oohh and aahh... well, it was worth the trip. Even though the total length of the fireworks was about 15 minutes, the weeks that came into preparation made it all worthwhile. When the colours danced upon the dark blanket of the night sky, lit subtly by the 3/4 moon, it was really a spectacle. Wonders never ceased to amaze me.

It kinda reminds me of the night spent last year at Marina South covering for the carnival. This year just wasn't as meaningful as last year. NDP seems like any other holiday.

Later met up with Eug and Yi Hua for a movie. Managed to play an hour of pool before the movie on a pretty small table. Since Click was saturated, we watched Lake House at midnight instead. Somehow Yi Hua manages to fall asleep midway through. Lol. Must be tired from work today.

Anyways, the movie was much better than I'd expected, though weirder. It was a unique story of love that knows no boundary, even time. The soft and subtle atmosphere the movie was set, coupled with a perfect soundtrack made the movie pleasing, though I should be sleeping at the time. Other than that it was a touching romantic, highly recommended.

Today they were busy talking about their NTU stuff and all. And I felt left out. Eug asked me why I still went out with them. I was stunned, not because of the question but because I myself didn't know the answer. It's kinda sad though.

But somehow spending the night with my BMT mates... and morning with them got my mood perked up. Jokes were well accepted, smiles more frequently seen, laughter became a mean of communication. Like Eug was saying, we smelt each other much worse than this and seen each other much worse than this.

I don't even know if I'm making sense from all these. Everything's incoherent. Just that with different people I behave differently, I am truly a chameleon.

This has got to be the lastest I've ever stayed up.

I need some sleep

Supper was nice. Can't remember the last time I stayed up this late out of home. But well, it's only Mac. So it was like the 3 stooges, Yi Hua, Eug and me, talking about Army (as usual), about scandals and about movie marathons.

People don't want to read about depressing stuff on my blog so I should write instead about happier happenings in life.

If not for Eug sending us home, I wouldn't even stay up this late.

Well, it'll be another late night tomorrow again with the fireworks and movie after that.

I better get some sleep.

Today I intended to write about the wonderful day I had; I went shopping for clothes, got more than I intended, met Cheah, met Benny and am going to have a late night supper later tonight at McD.

But I can't, I can't write any of these down, knowing that the day was the worst in my life.

To the people who knows what I'm talking about, my life just sank lower. When Vin told me to prepare for the worst, I told myself that I'll try.

Now I'm right here, in the 'worst'. And I folded like a cheap umbrella.

Ya Allah,
tolonglah keluarga ku.
Kepada Mu aku bermohon,
untuk mendamaikan mereka.
Kuatkanlah iman keluargaku.
Luruskanlah jalan kami yang penuh
lekuk ini.

Hanya Engkaulah yang dapat betulkan
semua ini.
Hambamu ini hanya dapat bermohon.
Ya Allah, selamatkanlah keluarga ku,
tangisan ku ini tidak dapat didengar
kecuali Mu, ya Allah.

Kepada Engkau aku bermohon.


After prayers, I found myself crying... tears I didn't want anybody to see.

Singapore Fireworks Festival 2006

SFF 2006