Stick to the status quo

This is one of the song from High School Musical. Great music with hilarious acting. This is the best number throughout. On another note, Vanessa Anne Hudson is gorgeous!

ENJOY!

Home now

So what you giving up for me?

And what shall I give up for you?

Shhh...

When Su SMSed me about my depressing blog, I knew something is wrong.

Knowing is so far off from admitting.

This is just not me. My sms may seem perky, my msn may seem so up and lively when deep inside dead is the closest I'm coming to.

I don't need sympathy from anyone.

Work today went by damn fast, with me doing at least 3 receivers alone as David and Is finished the remaining Gucci. I could tell that David purposely left me to do my own work as I wasn't myself today. In fact, I'm not myself for the past weeks.

I won't show it to people.

It's painful to return home at times. To face my mum. To know that the fascade is well put-up. Burying my face in my hands bears no meaning as I'm done with emotional nonsense.

I'm beyond tired. I'm beyond sane.

Everything that I see, everything that I touch now seems fleeting as though I'm non-existent. If this is a bad dream, I guess waking up won't be soon.

I don't think I can wake up from this.

I don't put blames on people. Not worth it. No desirable outcomes. Just harbour disappointment. It reminds me of where they stand.

...

If this is a test for me, then I'm doing a very bad job at trying to excel.
If this is a blessing in disguise, then I'm far from seeing the beauty in it.
If this is a poison for my life, then I'll just continue digging my grave.

...

Once in a while, circumstances forces me to step back, look at my current situation and attempt to correct it. It requires me to gather my deepest emotion of happiness just to neutralise the shallowest spats. So I should just look back... and what do I see?

A man who's feeling his lowest.

Happy?

You Are 64% Happy

You are a very happy person. Generally, you feel content and that all is right with the world. Occasionally, you have a down day - but you have the ability to pick yourself right back up.

How Happy Are You?

The day I asked myself...

...was today.

Today is Friday. The day before Saturday and the end of the work week.

Today I asked myself... is today any better then the rest of the weeks?

Gucci... I had prepared myself for the overwhelming number of cartons to cut and boxes to sort out. And at the end of the day, with overtime, we managed to clear 3 POs... the ones with total quantities of more than 500. Ya... it ws damn tiring, cutting, sorting, tagging, pilling, pushing, pulling, wrapping.

Today I asked myself... were we efficient?

But somehow I wasn't myself today, and I didn't know why. When Is and David had to knock me awake a couple of times today, I still had no clue what happened? I gave them the reason that today is Friday so mistakes are plentiful. Another colloquial to add to our list.

Today I asked myself... will I repeat it next week?

Lee asked me till when I'm working, and David too. Hmmm... 3 more weeks to go. Had a bit of uplifting when David said that I'm one of the best help they had.

Today I asked myself... did I even try?

Overtime ended at 6... had to leave early as I had to teach Hirzi tuition today. Had just enough time to buy myself a quick dinner at the pasar malam. That was how tight time had wrapped me today. But tuition was manageble... inequalities.

Today I asked myself... how much of what I learnt was forgotten?

Thank goodness the shop was still open when I went to collect the DVD of the concert. Only did 2 of the 4 tapes as it cost a bomb. Saw my solo...

Today I asked myself... was my playing good?

I just couldn't tell. Mr Chew didn't conduct that piece. Wondered why.

Tomorrow going for movies. How's the turnup? Ok I guess with a few unconfirmations here and there. Everybody's busy I guess...

Today I asked myself... who will turn up?

Mum is working today till 2am. Maybe I'll stay up and wait for her. Or fetch her downstairs. That's the least I could do.

Today I asked myself... when will the questions stop?

Funny?

It's been 3 months since my return from Thailand, 2 months since I ORDed, 8 weeks since I started working, and around a months time before term starts. Fast? Or slow?

Over dinner with Chan yesterday, I can't stop thinking how fast time flew by us. It seems like we just met in camp the day before. Ya... I know it's impossible.

Today the last shipment for the 48 pallets of Gucci stuff came, threatening to bury the warehouse with boxes, gigantic boxes. 48 pallets = hundreds of boxes = tens of receivers = thousands of goods to be tagged. The killer part is sorting out the numerous POs... but they did it in the morning while I was clearing the remaining receivers.

Then came a large group of women from somewhere and the supervisor was explaining to them the receiving process and what goes on inside the receiving unit. But just as I guided the tall boxes with the jack... trust me it's hard to see where I'm going... the rear boxes hit the sides and sent the boxes trembling. The funny thing is that the women started screaming, kinda reminds me of the childish screams of girls. Guess I panicked when surrounded by them. Haha... but thank goodness the guys were there to steady the boxes before it squashed them. Never felt so red for a long time.

Tomorrow... more Gucci. Guess the turnaround period of 1.5 days can't be fulfilled. Don't blame us... blame the Gucci.

Ha... just another day at work... with overtime... and tuition. I wonder why I'm still not tired.

Desperate Housewives: Everybody says don't

"Temptation comes to all of us. Whether or not we succumb depends on our ability to recognize it's disguise. Sometimes it arrives in the form of an old flame, flickering back to life, or a new friend who could end up being so much more, or a young child who awaken feelings we didn't know we have. And so we give into temptation all the while knowing come morning, we'll have to suffer the consequences."

Life: Once

I'm putting on a braver front than I once thought I could. When I was confronted yesterday, I knew what was coming my way. News were no longer alien to me. I had expected at least some of it.

What was I suppose to feel? Anger? Disappointment? Shock?

I don't know. All this while I'm thinking about my siblings... never mind me. I'm old enough to look after myself but who to look after them? Questions questions.

Life seems to be accelerating before my very eyes.

Looks like studies isn't my only concern as I have other priorities being squeezed into my life. Money, tuition, IPPT and others now take up more and more of my time till I barely have time for myself... doing things that I like.

Mental breakdown.

I'm actually surprised that I didn't suffer from a mental breakdown till now. All this while I've been anticipating one, getting ready to pick myself up when I fall. But thank God it hasn't happened.

Why?

Maybe because of work... taking up the bulk of my weekdays. Didn't think that work could be so fun.
Maybe because of friends... hanging out. Doing anything is fine with me... distract me, make me forget.
Maybe because of strength... since ORD, I've been more active. Laziness rarely shows itself.

Well, I don't want to think about all that depressing stuff.

Sometimes you have to be thick-skinned.

One

Went to HSA today with Eug for my first blood donation. Eug only came to accompany me... he was scared of the pain... haha. Before that, we ate at Deli at SGH and bumped into our BMT mate whom we have forgotten the name.

Before I got to see the doctor on duty for that day, there was a set of questionaire to be answered... mostly about sexual activities. And since I'm a first time donor, I was given a sticker that reads 'be nice to me'.

Upon entering the donation room, I was greeted by a lot of friendly nurses. The atmosphere really took away the fear that I had with me when I entered HSA. With the LA working, I couldn't feel the pain when they jab me with the 16G needle (that's what she told me but from the way it looks, 12G is more like it). Given a stress ball to exercise my arm, I took around 10 mins to fill up the 450ml packet. While waiting, I noticed other frequent donors as well. I have to say that the nurses there gave excellent service.

When I took my leave, they bid me goodbye and ask me to come again...

Add blood donation as my service to the community from now on...

Esperanza II

Once again at VCH, same conductor, but a different band. Well... it's my sis 1st concert.

"... Jubilee Hall, 2000, Crescendo II..."

With the alumni joining in as well, the band head off to a strong start with the cornet and trombone sections playing well. On close inspection, I guessed that the lack of clarinatists and flootists contributed to a rather weak woodwinds. As with every concert, I look forward to a strong and energetic percussion section. Somehow yesterday I wasn't let down.

"... By Loch and Mountain... Concerto D'Amore... On Main Street... "

The first half of the programme was heavy with overtures. The second half appealed more to the not-so-musically inclined. The dancing and the fast numbers only masked their tired playing which didn't display varied articulations. But the dancing and the cool light sticks were something to comment them on.

But I have to say that the Pirates song was nice. My sis agreed too... Haha... she liked the song so much.

Encore piece was Tong Hua with a romantic solo from the cornet and saxophone. Nice nice nice.

"... encore... YMCA..."

(I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel To Be) Free/One

I wish I knew how it would feel to be free
I wish I could break all the chains holding me
I wish I could say all the things that I should say
Say 'em loud say 'em clear
For the whole wide world to hear

Sundays for me are usually spent thinking about the week that has gone by and about the week that is about to come. I erase horrible memories, bad experiences, try forgetting those not worth remembering. At the same time, wonderful experiences, memorable scenes and good feelings I locked in my mind.

I wish I could share
All the love that's in my heart
Remove all the bars that keep us apart
And I wish you could know how it is to be me
Then you'd see and agree that every man should be free

Sundays for me are usually spent thinking about the week that has gone by and about the week that is about to come. The week that just passed taxed me. Too many bad things to forget, too many bad experiences that needed erasing. Too many... in just one week.

I wish I could be like a bird in the sky
How sweet it would be if I found I could fly
Well I'd soar to the sun and look down at the sea
And I'd sing cos I know how it feels to be free

Sundays for me are usually spent thinking about the week that has gone by and about the week that is about to come. The week to come... too many things to be done. Too many things I have planned. Monday... send my time-sheet, tuition. Tuesday... tuition. Wednesday... sis concert. Thursday... maybe taking off, maybe blood donation, tuition. Friday... tuition. And the week closes.

I wish I knew how it would feel to be free
I wish I could break all the chains holding me
And I wish I could say all the things that I wanna say
Say 'em loud say 'em clear
For the whole wide world to hear
Say 'em loud say 'em clear
For the whole wide world to hear
Say 'em loud say 'em clear
For the whole wide world to hear

Sundays for me are usually spent thinking about the week that has gone by and about the week that is about to come.

I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel To Be Free
I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel To Be Free

Pixar's and Walt Disney's last handshake: Cars

What a bummer that this is the last movie out of Pixar and Disney.

Had been waiting for more than a year for the release of Cars and I'm glad to say that the show was far from disappointing.

Pixar and Disney has this thing about making animated movies that appeals to all.
The repertoire was fantastic; from the fast and heart-pumping racing tracks (mind the pun) to the slow country numbers.
Each character was defined not only by the appearance of the car but the sound the engine made, the facial features on the car and the way they speak. They even looked real enough to touch.

The story line itself was simple but hidden in it are messages... not subliminal though.

I once again applaude Pixar and Disney for a wonderful job on Cars. And the credits whereby previous renditions of past Pixar movies were used in the context of cars brings the wonderful handshake to a close.

Rating: 4.5 stars (for perfect soundtrack and stunning animations)

Moral dilemma 2

Today... I had a talk with Kel after gym... an important talk.

Today... I made known to him my family problems.

Today... I nearly cried when I told him the situation.

Today... I came back home to see my mum's eyes swollen.

Today... I thank Kel for listening to me.

Today... I went into the kitchen to see my mum in the dark with her head down, holding a piece of tissue.

Today... I asked her and she said nothing.

Today... I prayed to Allah to mend broken things...

Moral dilemma 1

Had a very heavy day today... mentally heavy.

I could still remember CME lessons in sec sch long ago. The lesson that I couldn't forget was the lesson on moral dilemma. Today I faced that crossroads a couple of times.

Taking the MRT to work everyday has become a chore; squeezing through the crowds, standing for nearly an hour long in the MRT. I get to see all kinds of people, from the music blasting teens to the pushy workaholics. But today I saw the worst of its kind... the pervert.

This is where the moral dilemma arose. There I was, sitting in the MRT while noticing a pretty lady sitting next to me. Apparently I wasn't the only one who thought that she was pretty. From where I sat, I saw this man. Looks decent, long sleeve shirt, black office bag, listening to mp3 or radio or God knows what. But in his hand, hidden behind a black coloured casing was a camera. How could I tell? There was a hole where the lens could be seen.

I traced where the camera was pointing. Yup... it was aimed at the lady sitting next to me. With meticulous manouvering of the camera, he rotated the camera at times, trying to get a clearer shot of his target. Too bad the lady was in her dreamworld...

At this juncture... I asked myself. Should I confront him? What proof did I have? Am I going to make a spectacle? Moral dilemma. Guess I didn't do anything after all... just containing the disgust towards the pervert.

Question... what would you have done?

The opposite of love...

is not hate...

it's indifference.

Tagged

Fun right tag people... guess you caught me fair and square.

Here's mine:
1. there's 2 kind of people, one who thinks I'm chinese and another who don't think I look chinese at all.
2. not only do I sing out loud in front of the comp, occassionally I dance too... I'm doing it now!
3. nothing cracks me up like watching FRIENDS.
4. nearly every other day I would carry my brother; I still think of him as my baby brother.
5. astronomy is damn interesting. nebulae, supernovas, white dwarves, black hole, twin star...
6. I think my mum is the worlds greatest chef.
7. I'm a super neat freak. my bedroom is a testimony to that.
8. I sneeze when I'm tired... as in really tired even if I don't look so.
9. I got no hobby... everything I do, I do in moderation.
10. I think that the SimCity series is the most creative game ever.
11. I sleep with 3 pillows.
12. I love eating ice... the cold chill is just blissful.
13. I grew 4 pants sizes in less than 2 years.
14. I don't talk well in groups of more than 4.
15. maps are so under-utilised.
16. Stephen King's books makes me frown, cringe, angry... for goodness sake it's just a book!
17. I never switch off my handphone.
18. I find architecture fascinating...
19. along the same vein, interior decor books makes me drool.
20. latecommers pisses me off.
21. I still find it amazing that planes can fly, ships can float but I still can't do both.
22. I always wake up way before my alarm.
23. bugs freaks me out... big time!
24. I'm jumpy... that's why I hate horror shows.

Ya... I'm still dancing...

Well... make urself comfortable and just tagged yourself. Az, Ifa, Su, Wilson, Isaac... or anybody la... Hahaha.

Thank you

Sometimes you don't need a reason...

it's obvious enough.