Mike Oldfield: Liberation

When the birds sing outside
and you see the trees changing to green,
the sun invites one to be out in the open air.
When the sky is so blue,
then, oh then I wish for so much.

...

And the best remedy
for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy
is to go outside,
somewhere where they can be quite alone
with the heavens of nature and God

...

-extracts from Anne Frank's diary

Desperate Housewives: Thank You So Much

"Now and then, we all need a little help, so we ask for small favors. But it's always best to be wary of those eager to come to our rescue. Because even the smallest of favors carries a price tag. Yes, everyone has an agenda. No matter what they may tell us. And in those rare instances where there is no ulterior motive we're so taken aback that we may fail to recognize the truth that a loving friend has just done us an enormous favor."

Why?

What exactly do you do when you ponder? Ponder about life in general?

Your imagination becomes a loose savaging beast, waiting to pounce on anything that it lay eyes upon. But where's the tamer? The one that can supposedly calm even the ferocious of all beasts.

I can't deny that once in a while I asked questions about myself. Ask out loud at times WTF I'm doing this for. Why bother at times, knowing that failure will once again triumph. You see, sometimes the beast has to be let out once in a while to let it dissipate its fury and rage. Keeping it in contaiment will only build a nasty momentum that when released unleashes a difficult-to-counter kind of situation, for example, saying something I don't mean or throwing tantrums.

People made me feel that life was unfair

Questions. Questions. Questions. You answer one and 2 more pops up. You answer a dozen and you get an exponential amount of impossible-to-answer questions that takes up valuable brain cells.

Don't you wish you could trade places with him?
Don't you wish you could turn back time?
Don't you wish you hadn't said that?
Will they ever find out?
How does this make me look?

Simple questions requires the simplest of answers. Most of the time it's a one word answer. But bear in mind these are the first line of questions. Like I said, you answer one and 2 more pops up. Well here they are...

Will they ever know how hard it is to just to pretend that everything is all right?
Why expect so much from me if you know I'm going to disappoint you?
Should I pretend to be someone I'm not, just to satisfy?

Here you have the morality kind of questions. One word or a short phrase doesn't usually answer the questions. It involves careful consideration and planning as consequences may sometimes be unavoidable. The answers usually won't come spontaneously; complications and circumstances sometimes pushes me to answer days or even weeks later.

By complications and circumstances, I mean that the beast has been let loose.

But today the beast in me told me to write these things down. To just make my thoughts readable. At first I just couldn't do it. Starting is always the hardest for me but eventually I had the flow that just wouldn't quit, like the adrenalin pumping through the vein of the beast.

See the question I posed in the heading? Why? it reads.

Guess the answer to that may not arrive sooner than expected. Maybe it won't even come. Well, some questions can never be answered; our mind if far too feeble to comprehend even the intention of the questions. For that we leave it to God, the All-knowing and Ever-forgiving.

For now, I'll let the tamer do its job to put back the beast back in confinement. Alone to recuperate from the tireness.

X-men 3: The Last Stand

How do I even begin commenting on X-men 3: The last stand?

By complementing the storyline?
By applauding the costume designer?
By appreciating the elaborate effects throughout the whole show?

It was difficult to take a breather during the show. Though there wasn't much suspense to begin with, it was the question of how it was going to end that gripped me.

Though short of 2 hours, the story didn't leave much gaps that needed filling. The music is great, the characters was appropriate and the effects, absolutely amazing.

Death is inevitable for all... even for mutants.

After all, they are humans too.

Ha... just don't feel like commenting so much.

Swing

The power to evoke came from a swing today... somewhere in Bishan Park. After the gym session, while walking all the way from YCK to Bishan, we encountered a playground, a deserted one at that. It's not the slide that was enticing me but rather the slinky swing; how it dangles upon the steel bar like a puppet calling its master. I answered the call.

Even before I sat on the seat of the swing, I was already swept by the surge of memories that came rushing. Gaping synapses were soon fired once more as I recalled vividly the days that were long gone, but not from my mind.

'Every week, during our visit to my grandma's house in Khatib, me and my cousins will play at this playground just beside the block. And a playground is never complete without a swing. Literally I was pushed to greater heights, heights and excitement that only a child could comprehend. With the wind brushing my face as I was swept upwards during the motion, it felt like flying. Holding on to the steel 'ropes' that held the swing, it represents the fear of falling. How silly it was then.'

Now, even at the age of 21, it felt unmistakably familiar. Kicking the sand to attain height, tucking the feet during descend, I could still remember it. Though I didn't swung high, I certainly felt lifted.

It swings both ways...

Judge

'Judge people from where they stand, not from where you stand'

Desperate Housewives: Silly People

"The world is filled with unlikely friendships. How do they begin? With one person desperately in need and another willing to lend a helping hand. When such kindness is offered, we're finally able to see the worth of those we had previously written off. And before we know it, a bond has formed, regardless of whether others can understand it. Yes, unlikely friendships start up every day. No one understands this more than the lonely. In fact, it's what they count on."

Code?

Caught the front row seat for the Da Vinci Code movie at Suntec.

Hmmm... didn't read the book so I came into the theatre not knowing what to expect. For a two star rating movie, the show was damn packed. Weird. But what the heck, still sat there watching they show, sieving fact from fiction, drawing the line where my faith in Islam clashes with the Christian faith. Don't get me wrong, I believe in Jesus being a messenger of God. He is after all one of our prophets too. But I try not to believe everything that I see from that show with all the Paganism and other stuff.

But it was smart for the author to avoid major contoversies in the area of Jesus and instead focuses on his 'wife', which had none if not minimal exposure to mankind.

Good movie for the religious and a big question mark for the rest.

Final words about Jesus (Isa) A.S...

They slew him not, nor did they crucify him but it was made dubious to them.
(Holy Qur'an, Surah Nisaa, Verse 157)

Dug out

My sis may be performing for her first concert this coming June at VCH. Can't help it but to recall the numerous performances, concerts and competitions went through during my 6 year euphonium-cum-trombone trip. Well, there wasn't much visual memories save for these SYF photos. Pics are small though... will upload into flickr.

Year: 2001
Repetoire: Singapura Medley, By Loch and Mountain (my solo opening)
Instrument played: Euphonium
Verdict: Silver

Year: 2003
Repertoire: Tales of the Sea, Requiem for Band
Instrument played: Trombone
Verdict: Silver

3rd buffer this week

OMG! Can't believe I had my 3rd consecutive buffer this week after tuition today.

Spent the remaining of the night with Rus at JP after getting the kad jemputan.

Hmmm... 3 buffers on a weekday? That hasn't happen before. Should start curbing my spending.

2 buffers...

Bento boxes for lunch.

Can't believe I'm having my second buffer this week. Ha... suddenly feel like taking halfday off today, partly due to the muscle ache I'm experiencing today and the now dormant family issue that is just waiting to blow up. But well, I'm not going to dwell on that. As I told Vin just now, what I can hold I will until it becomes unbearable.

Lunch at Ramen Ten at Far East was expensive. Didn't know that the prices on the menu was not inclusive of the GST. So including the service tax, the meal costs 15% more. What a splurge! But at least it was filling.

Wanted to catch the sneak preview of over the hedge but the first show is at 7 and all the tix for the 4 shows today are sold out. Shocking!

Where'd you want to go today?
Somewhere you could never take me.

Physically tired, mentally energised

Went for my first gym session with Kel at YCK fitness centre after work. Today my BO was covered by Bvlgari perfume...haha. Nothing fun happened at gym except that we saw CPT Brendan training there. Thank God he didn't recognise any of us. Somehow with all the hulks around the gym, we weren't so motivated. And the threadmills we also fully utilised by other patrons. Ha... only trained for around an hour. Hope this doesn't die off soon.

For dinner we walked all the way to AMK, tawaf like a few rounds before settling for Banquet. Even after dinner we continue making rounds. Didn't know that there's tonnes of food places in AMK.

After a hard day work, I guess this really buffers everything. Though physically tired, I'm mentally energised.

Weak hands can't write much...

Hush...

Hush...

Not that loud,
I could still hear you.

Your eyes are still screaming at me,
It's hurting my head.

Quieter now,
Not that loud.

Talk to me?
Guess it will never happen?
I dare not ask why.

Don't say a word now...
hush...

I guess promises
were meant to be broken.

Did I say something wrong?
Am I too loud about it?

Ok then...
I'll hush...

Windows

When you looked in my eyes,
did you see your own reflection?

Or were you trying to see through me?

I could hear questions from your look,
is that what you wanna ask me?

And at the same time,
I sent you an answer.

An answer written all over my face.
'I don't know...'

Desperate Housewives: There's Something About A War

"Everyone understands the nature of war. We also understand that victory depends on the cards that we have been dealt. Some, when faced with a bloody battle, simply give in. But for some, surrender is unacceptable. Even though they know it will be a fight to the death."

Yowza~!

The picture came out blur but I'll fill in the detail...
The brand is Blancpain (I agree with the pain part). As it comes in a nicely varnished wooden box, I guessed it must cost a few thousands, just as the rest of the watches I've seen day in and day out.

Wonder what the piece of paper is doing in the box? That's the price tag.

What's the price I hear you ask?

It's a whopping S$12400.00 w GST. No kidding man!

And no I didn't get the decimal points mixed up...

Strands

Sometimes I don't know whether I'm letting go of the strands or are the strands slipping away from me.

You decide your fate... YOU DECIDE!!!

Read a few chapters of Misery by Stephen King and once again I was muttering 'YOU BITCH!'. Over and over again I said it, shouting inside my mind.

When she swung the axe, and chopped of Paul's shattered leg, I felt that pain way before he did.

I had that Annie living in me, that Annie who has killed scores of innocent people just because they were brats. In a way, I killed some too...

Being the Paul that I am, now screaming over the pain of a lost limb, just what can I do?

Now my mirror has cracked its final crack. 2 pieces...

Yes Annie, you did it! You f***ing bitch!

2 pieces, only one in which you can see, for the other has been changed.
Did you know? DID YOU CARE? I GUESS NOT.

You could stab me,
force youself to know me,
be kind and try to love me.
The false hope you smear in my face,
the empty promises you rubbed in my rotting wounds,
I took it in... but not this.
Not when you swung that axe, like Annie you did.
Swung it with or without intention I don't know,
that you broke my mirror into 2.

Mission Impossible 3: Not quite

My first MI movie. Didn't even watch the previous prequels. Considering I'm not into action movies, I guess I justified myself.

If not for the music, which is too loud but suspenseful, the movie would be a bore. IMHO, I think that Tom Cruise acted rather similarly to his role in WOTW.

But I have to credit him for the stunts. It was well executed but a major flaw... he seems to be unhurt after jumping, leaping, sliding and whatever have you. If you consider the 3 second limp than I have nothing to say.

There wasn't so much of a twist... all were quite expected as the plot develops.

An okay movie, kinda vague right?

Rating: 3.5/5

Introvert: Forgotten

A tiny thought, on the brink of forgotten.

A speck of dust... unseen.

Countdown to extinction.

Death beckons in this claustrophobic prison.

(Take aim at myself)
A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it

Finally, I'm forgotten.

Introvert: Simplicity

An impenetrable fascade, mistaken for reality.

For what they see is nothing like the real me.

A kaleidoscopic view, intricate patterns that amazes.

But in fact stems only simplicity.

A barrage of expressions, a cannonade of behaviours.
The basics of it... simplicity = me

Desperate Housewives: We're Gonna Be All Right

"Illness can take on many forms. Those of the body are easy to treat. Much more difficult are the hidden maladies that fester in our hearts. The secret addictions that consume our souls. And the diseases we deny which affect our judgment. To survive we need to find that special someone who can heal us. But we can never predict who have the cure for what ails us. Or when they'll show up."

Introvert: Companion

I chance upon laughter whenever possible,

knowing that solitude will hold one hand when I'm alone.

I chance upon company when forced,

for I feel the tugging of loneliness on the other.

My hands are held, though you can't see.
It's an introverts companion. My companion!

Introvert: Power

When you realised that you have said all that you wanted to...

let silence fill the next gap.

When all you have to listen to is people talking...

silence is what you must preach.

When the hectic and merciless day tires you down...

the silence of night will recover you.


The power of an introvert is silence.
I walk with that power surrounding me.

Closure of a week

foreground: Opera Diva, Oreo cheesecake
background: Double chocolates

Had supper at Mc Cafe with Rus yesterday after tuition for a long chat...

Worth a second look

This appeared in the movie In Her Shoes, during a scene when an illiterate Cameron Diaz read to a blind man on a hospital bed... guess it's worth a second look.

One Art

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

-- Elizabeth Bishop

Segalanya: Siti Nurhaliza, Siti Sarah, Ning Baizura, Misha Omar, Liza Hanim

Ku mentafsirkan
kelemahan dan kesilapan
adakah getarnya
dari ku mungkin sebaliknya
atau kau ada mengubahkan ku hingga terkeliru

ku berikan emas, intan dan permata
bukan kaca kilau tiada berharga
tetapi sayangnya kau terpukau lupa segalanya
yang pernah kita ciptakan
semua ini

pernah kau berjanji
kau terlintas di penjuru hati
untuk kau kembali
menyambung mimpi kian punah
sebelum payah
biar ku mengubah segala - galanya

Desperate Housewives: "One More Kiss"

"The act itself never varies. But each kiss carries with it a meaning all its own. It can convey a husband's eternal devotion. Or a wife's enormous regret. It can symbolize a mother's growing concern. Or a lover's growing passion. But whatever its meaning, each kiss reflects a basic human need. The need to connect to another human being. This desire is so strong it's always amazing when some people don’t understand it."

Step... by... step...

I feel like child again... learning new stuff.

Today was rollerblading and bowling. Ya... at this age I still don't know both. Better late than never right?

Rollerblading has never looked easy. Today I got to find out how tough it was. Even with knee guards on, I ended up falling mostly on my bum. Ha... but thanks to Vin, the coach, and Kel, the wanderer, I got some pointers. Never dared to venture out onto the road. Maybe some other time... when I can skate with my eyes closed. But it was enjoyable... though tiring.

Bowling was next. After hitting gutterball for like 2 consecutive frames, I finally hit something on the third frame. First time... so I don't expect much from myself. Quite embarrasing. Ha...

Well dinner at PP yet again. Nothing much today besides thinking about how busy I'm gonna be this week... work, tuition, timesheet. Haiz... how fast the holidays went by.

Turntables (ii)

4 legs...
they should be stable enough right?
Stability is key... always.

(but what if it's not)

It's trust,
always have been to you right?
But there's no visible legs that I can see.

(it's build over time... time is the operative word)

Build up,
but what about the girth?

(it's falling)

I didn't mean to kick the leg,
I didn't mean it.

(it's falling... 3 just ain't enough)

I'm sorry.

Turntables(i)

The tables have turned...
we once sat face to face.

(not now...)

From where I sit, you're still in my view.

(you're blocking me)

A circle or square, our perspective differs little.

(too bad it's rectangle, too bad)

It flipped, you flipped, I flipped,
sending rains of wood, rage and profanities,
you to me, and me to you.

(was it suppose to end this way?)

You claimed you know me,
but you barely scratched the surface.

(ha... do you really know me well? do you?)

I said it once, I will say it again.
Things will never be the same again.

(and we once stood at the same table)