Shhh...

When Su SMSed me about my depressing blog, I knew something is wrong.

Knowing is so far off from admitting.

This is just not me. My sms may seem perky, my msn may seem so up and lively when deep inside dead is the closest I'm coming to.

I don't need sympathy from anyone.

Work today went by damn fast, with me doing at least 3 receivers alone as David and Is finished the remaining Gucci. I could tell that David purposely left me to do my own work as I wasn't myself today. In fact, I'm not myself for the past weeks.

I won't show it to people.

It's painful to return home at times. To face my mum. To know that the fascade is well put-up. Burying my face in my hands bears no meaning as I'm done with emotional nonsense.

I'm beyond tired. I'm beyond sane.

Everything that I see, everything that I touch now seems fleeting as though I'm non-existent. If this is a bad dream, I guess waking up won't be soon.

I don't think I can wake up from this.

I don't put blames on people. Not worth it. No desirable outcomes. Just harbour disappointment. It reminds me of where they stand.

...

If this is a test for me, then I'm doing a very bad job at trying to excel.
If this is a blessing in disguise, then I'm far from seeing the beauty in it.
If this is a poison for my life, then I'll just continue digging my grave.

...

Once in a while, circumstances forces me to step back, look at my current situation and attempt to correct it. It requires me to gather my deepest emotion of happiness just to neutralise the shallowest spats. So I should just look back... and what do I see?

A man who's feeling his lowest.