Why?

What exactly do you do when you ponder? Ponder about life in general?

Your imagination becomes a loose savaging beast, waiting to pounce on anything that it lay eyes upon. But where's the tamer? The one that can supposedly calm even the ferocious of all beasts.

I can't deny that once in a while I asked questions about myself. Ask out loud at times WTF I'm doing this for. Why bother at times, knowing that failure will once again triumph. You see, sometimes the beast has to be let out once in a while to let it dissipate its fury and rage. Keeping it in contaiment will only build a nasty momentum that when released unleashes a difficult-to-counter kind of situation, for example, saying something I don't mean or throwing tantrums.

People made me feel that life was unfair

Questions. Questions. Questions. You answer one and 2 more pops up. You answer a dozen and you get an exponential amount of impossible-to-answer questions that takes up valuable brain cells.

Don't you wish you could trade places with him?
Don't you wish you could turn back time?
Don't you wish you hadn't said that?
Will they ever find out?
How does this make me look?

Simple questions requires the simplest of answers. Most of the time it's a one word answer. But bear in mind these are the first line of questions. Like I said, you answer one and 2 more pops up. Well here they are...

Will they ever know how hard it is to just to pretend that everything is all right?
Why expect so much from me if you know I'm going to disappoint you?
Should I pretend to be someone I'm not, just to satisfy?

Here you have the morality kind of questions. One word or a short phrase doesn't usually answer the questions. It involves careful consideration and planning as consequences may sometimes be unavoidable. The answers usually won't come spontaneously; complications and circumstances sometimes pushes me to answer days or even weeks later.

By complications and circumstances, I mean that the beast has been let loose.

But today the beast in me told me to write these things down. To just make my thoughts readable. At first I just couldn't do it. Starting is always the hardest for me but eventually I had the flow that just wouldn't quit, like the adrenalin pumping through the vein of the beast.

See the question I posed in the heading? Why? it reads.

Guess the answer to that may not arrive sooner than expected. Maybe it won't even come. Well, some questions can never be answered; our mind if far too feeble to comprehend even the intention of the questions. For that we leave it to God, the All-knowing and Ever-forgiving.

For now, I'll let the tamer do its job to put back the beast back in confinement. Alone to recuperate from the tireness.